Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 11, 2008 Report Share Posted January 11, 2008 Re: Jokes I got this one in my e-mail today: I can't possibly roll my eyes hard enough to give this joke the reaction it deserves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 11, 2008 Report Share Posted January 11, 2008 Re: Jokes I can't possibly roll my eyes hard enough to give this joke the reaction it deserves. Pretty much my reaction, too, when I read it. Which is why I posted it here. I figure that if I have to be subjected to it, why not make everyone suffer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 11, 2008 Report Share Posted January 11, 2008 Re: Jokes Pretty much my reaction' date=' too, when I read it. Which is why I posted it here. I figure that if I have to be subjected to it, why not make [i']everyone[/i] suffer? Oh, absolutely. I passed in on to my co-workers immediately Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted January 11, 2008 Report Share Posted January 11, 2008 Re: Jokes I just sent it to a couple of people I'm chatting with. Waiting for their reactions... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Posted January 12, 2008 Report Share Posted January 12, 2008 Re: Jokes From My e-mail: John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention. Vote carefully...the bells are not always audible! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edsel Posted January 12, 2008 Report Share Posted January 12, 2008 Re: Jokes You Might Be a Redneck Jedi If..." Your Jedi robes are camouflage colored. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill. You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard. You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit. The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters. Wookies are offended by your B.O. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 13, 2008 Report Share Posted January 13, 2008 Re: Jokes You Might Be a Redneck Jedi If..."Your Jedi robes are camouflage colored. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill. You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard. You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit. The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters. Wookies are offended by your B.O. You forgot one: If you've ever kissed your sister. Oh, wait.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ocelot Posted January 13, 2008 Report Share Posted January 13, 2008 Re: Jokes Favorite Joke of All Time? See sig. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gawain Posted January 14, 2008 Report Share Posted January 14, 2008 Re: Jokes You Might Be a Redneck Jedi If..." Your Jedi robes are camouflage colored. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill. You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard. You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit. The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters. Wookies are offended by your B.O. Heres the original thread where I first posted these How to Know if You're a Redneck Jedi (Wherein the list grows to over 134 entries long!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Mhoram Posted January 14, 2008 Report Share Posted January 14, 2008 Re: Jokes I can't possibly roll my eyes hard enough to give this joke the reaction it deserves. Try this: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edsel Posted January 14, 2008 Report Share Posted January 14, 2008 Re: Jokes Heres the original thread where I first posted these How to Know if You're a Redneck Jedi (Wherein the list grows to over 134 entries long!) I should have done more that search the Jokes thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Re: Jokes Well, since you brought it up: Your Starship Captain Might Be a Redneck If... your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month he sets phaser to "Cajun" he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob" he refers to Klingons as "Critters" he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "heat-seeking hogies" he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies" he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it he says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage" he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba" he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster" he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens he paints the starship John Deere green he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special" his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge his idea of a "gas giant" is big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans & weenies he keeps referring to Starfleet High Command as "dang bunch o' revenooers" two words: Turbolift Spittoons Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comic Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Re: Jokes Are you poking fun at Firefly? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Re: Jokes anything wrong with that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comic Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Re: Jokes Not at all. All Firefly is good Firefly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Re: Jokes Are you poking fun at Firefly? Not at all! Even if Captain Tightpants & Co. did paint Serenity John Deere green, it'd still be cool. It'd be interesting to see what might happen in a drinking contest involving Romulan Ale, Mudder's milk, and a redneck starship captain's moonshine, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Re: Jokes It'd be interesting to see what might happen in a drinking contest involving Romulan Ale' date=' Mudder's milk, and a redneck starship captain's moonshine, though. [/quote'] Scotty would win. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diamond Spear Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Re: Jokes -Subject: The 9 Words Women use The 9 Words Women use... 1. Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. 4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! 5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.) 6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. 8.Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU! 9.Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AliceTheOwl Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Re: Jokes *siiiiiigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diamond Spear Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Re: Jokes *siiiiiigh* The really funny part is that my wife is the one who sent me that joke in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Re: Jokes The really funny part is that my wife is the one who sent me that joke in the first place. Subtle, isn't she? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diamond Spear Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Re: Jokes Subtle' date=' isn't she? [/quote'] Read this thread http://www.herogames.com/forums/showthread.php?t=62425 and you'll see it balances out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Re: Jokes 8.Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU! And a man's really. Pretty universal. In fact, I think it's a lot more insulting than "Screw you!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted January 17, 2008 Report Share Posted January 17, 2008 Re: Jokes And a man's really. Pretty universal. In fact' date=' I think it's a lot more insulting than "Screw you!"[/quote'] Whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 17, 2008 Report Share Posted January 17, 2008 Re: Jokes Well, since we've done the other two: * If your costume includes denim overalls... * If your 'secret weapon' against crime is a double-barreled, sawed-off shotgun... * If you use your X-Ray Vision to hunt possum... * If your cape has gravy stains from being used as a bib... * If your thirteen year-old niece is your sidekick and your love-interest... * If your arch-nemesis is named Mr. Toothless... * If any part of how you maintain your secret identity is bathing... * If any part of your suit of hi-tech armor comes from a moonshine still... * If your secret base is a double-wide with camouflage netting... * If your battle-cry is "Git 'im!"... * If your canine side-kick only has three legs... * If you got your super-powers from radioactive chewing tobacco... * If the insignia on your chest is either a Confederate flag or a velvet painting of Elvis... * If you list High School Diploma as one of your super-powers... * If on a regular basis you fight any crime having anything to do with cattle... * If your Fortress of Solitude is guarded by under-fed pit-bulls... * If you lose your powers from prolonged exposure to soap... * If the signal used to call for your help is semi-truck horn... * If your crime-fighting-mobile is currently up on blocks... ... then you might be a redneck super-hero! Redneck humor trifecta is now complete. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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