archer Posted June 20, 2021 Report Share Posted June 20, 2021 Sesame Street is introducing a family with two gay dads as recurring characters. Inspired, the executives at HBO have announced a spin-off series about a couple on Sesame Street who have an open marriage. The new series is tentatively titled: Open Sesame. mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoctorImpossible Posted June 20, 2021 Report Share Posted June 20, 2021 Did you know, thanks to a very old law that is still in place nobody living in London is allowed to be buried there? Apparently, you need to be dead first. DeleteThisAccount, BoloOfEarth, slikmar and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 20, 2021 Report Share Posted June 20, 2021 I remember that we all laughed when we heard about Pavlov's dog in school. Then the bell rang and we all went to lunch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted June 20, 2021 Report Share Posted June 20, 2021 In New York, the only think worse than raining cats and dogs is hailing cabs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 21, 2021 Report Share Posted June 21, 2021 I’m a mathematician but I hate negative numbers. I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted June 21, 2021 Report Share Posted June 21, 2021 A lawyer finds that his toilet is backed up, so he has to call a plumber to get it fixed. Being wise in the way of contracts, the lawyer grills the plumber about his license, where he gets his supplies from, references, and so forth. Satisfied to this point, he finally asks how much the plumber charges. "I charge $75 an hour." the plumber replies. "What! I'm a lawyer, and I only charge $50 an hour!" "Yeah, that's what I used to charge too when I was a lawyer." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted June 24, 2021 Report Share Posted June 24, 2021 Punctuation is important: "Will you marry me?" is a marriage proposal "Will, you, Mary, me" is a foursome proposal "Will, you marry me" is a time traveler spoiling the future archer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted June 24, 2021 Report Share Posted June 24, 2021 The Mormon Tabernacle Choir, tired of being the only public face of the church, decided the church should host a huge festival celebrating all things Mormon. After all, things like Burning Man have been a popular yearly event for decades so a more godly Burning Man without an actual Burning Man sounded like a good idea. The governing body of the church went along with the idea until the choir started selling t-shirts for the event. The shirts read "This Is My Mormon Fest Destiny". mattingly and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 25, 2021 Report Share Posted June 25, 2021 Q: What has white skin and orange hair and was created in a test tube? Spoiler A: Bozo the Clone. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 26, 2021 Report Share Posted June 26, 2021 Just so everyone's clear, I'm going to put my glasses on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted June 26, 2021 Report Share Posted June 26, 2021 The cashier told me "Strip down, facing me." By the time I realized they were talking about my debit card, it was too late. mattingly, archer and aylwin13 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted June 26, 2021 Report Share Posted June 26, 2021 Thank goodness they didn’t tell you to put it in the slot. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 28, 2021 Report Share Posted June 28, 2021 I spent ages trying to spell inconsequential before I realized that it's not that important. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 28, 2021 Report Share Posted June 28, 2021 The inventor of autocorrect has died. His funeral is tomato. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 29, 2021 Report Share Posted June 29, 2021 In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime. It usually resulted in a long sentence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 29, 2021 Report Share Posted June 29, 2021 33 minutes ago, Logan.1179 said: In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime. It usually resulted in a long sentence. That was a cute joke, Logan. Now it's time for you to run on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 29, 2021 Report Share Posted June 29, 2021 String him up by his colon! EDIT: Before he makes a dash for it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted June 29, 2021 Report Share Posted June 29, 2021 Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians. Because owning Christians isn’t legal, obviously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted June 29, 2021 Report Share Posted June 29, 2021 Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces of the universe. But if you remove it, you get gravy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 29, 2021 Report Share Posted June 29, 2021 3 hours ago, archer said: Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians. Because owning Christians isn’t legal, obviously. A bit hard to own someone when one is irrational and the other is rational. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 29, 2021 Report Share Posted June 29, 2021 Just now, Bazza said: A bit hard to own someone when one is irrational and the other is rational. One is a perfectly rational number. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 30, 2021 Report Share Posted June 30, 2021 If it counts as a number. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted June 30, 2021 Report Share Posted June 30, 2021 10 minutes ago, Bazza said: If it counts as a number. It does, and apparently it is the loneliest one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 1, 2021 Report Share Posted July 1, 2021 Then ‘one’ is doing it wrong. One has all the friends, both odd and even. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 1, 2021 Report Share Posted July 1, 2021 I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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