archer Posted February 23, 2022 Report Share Posted February 23, 2022 The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 23, 2022 Report Share Posted February 23, 2022 1 hour ago, Logan.1179 said: My desire to be well informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane. Wait, that's not a joke. have you tried getting even? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 23, 2022 Report Share Posted February 23, 2022 What is Irish and stays out all night? Patty O'Furniture wcw43921 and Tjack 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 23, 2022 Report Share Posted February 23, 2022 6 minutes ago, archer said: The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend. I thought it was BYO? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 23, 2022 Report Share Posted February 23, 2022 One day in class the teacher asks the students to tell a story that has a lesson. Suzie puts her hand up and tells a story about the time she was at the beach and jumped into the water and cut her leg badly on a jagged rock she didn't see. She said the lesson of the story was to look before you leap. Next Pete told a story about how he went with his dad to a junkyard and they found a bike someone had thrown out. Pete and his dad brought it home and cleaned it up so Pete could ride it and it was his favorite thing in the whole world. The lesson of the story was that one persons trash is another persons treasure. They went around the room until they got to Little Johnny. He told a story about how his grandpa was a soldier in World War II. One time his grandpa found himself all alone and out numbered. All he had was a grenade, his rifle, 20 bullets, a bottle of whiskey and his bayonet. He was facing 30 enemy soldiers. He took a swig of whiskey, pulled the pin and threw the grenade, taking out 5 enemy soldiers. He took another hefty swig and picked up his rifle and shot 20 more. Out of ammunition he fixed his bayonet, drained the last of the whiskey and charged the remaining soldiers. In bloody hand to hand fighting he managed to kill them all. The class grew silent as he finished his story. The teacher said "That's incredible Johnny. What is the lesson to that?" Johnny said, "The lesson from that is you don't want to mess with my grandpa when he's been drinking." Hermit and Tjack 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 23, 2022 Report Share Posted February 23, 2022 One day, this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," He thinks to himself. And as the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibility of a small boat, even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and asks, "How long have you been on this island?" "Ten years," he answers. "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!" he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that ever good!" She then asks him, "How long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" Trembling, he replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask, and gives it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig, and says, "Wow, that's absolutely fantastic!" Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at him seductively, and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?" The guy, with tears in his eyes, replies, "Oh my God! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!" Tjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted February 24, 2022 Report Share Posted February 24, 2022 1 hour ago, archer said: If you play Nicki Minaj songs backwards you can hear satanic messages... even worse, if you play them forwards you can hear Nicki Minaj. If you play them backwards they also sound better *********** Q; What happens if you play a Country song backwards? A; Your IQ jumps 20 points and you get your wife, dog and truck back. (I actually like old style Country. Cash, Jennings, Nelson, etc.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 24, 2022 Report Share Posted February 24, 2022 I’m so old I remember when “old school” was just “school”. Pariah, Christougher and mattingly 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 24, 2022 Report Share Posted February 24, 2022 6 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: / ?? Its radial velocity is -5.50 km/s, which is about 3.4 miles/second. But that omits its velocity in the plane of the sky, which is about 16.75 km/s. So it's moving sideways with respect to us faster than it's moving toward us, by about a factor of three. /joykill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 24, 2022 Report Share Posted February 24, 2022 4 hours ago, Tjack said: Q; What happens if you play a Country song backwards? A; Your IQ jumps 20 points and you get your wife, dog and truck back. (I actually like old style Country. Cash, Jennings, Nelson, etc.) With the advent of self-driving cars, it's only a matter of time until we have a country song about how a guy's truck left him. Tjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 24, 2022 Report Share Posted February 24, 2022 " ... something about love and motherhood this time, since the song already had a truck...." -- Harry Chapin Tjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 24, 2022 Report Share Posted February 24, 2022 Mother trucking load…? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted February 24, 2022 Report Share Posted February 24, 2022 3 hours ago, Pariah said: With the advent of self-driving cars, it's only a matter of time until we have a country song about how a guy's truck left him. First he cheated on his American truck for the foreign model that drove away on him.🤠 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted February 24, 2022 Report Share Posted February 24, 2022 2 hours ago, Cancer said: " ... something about love and motherhood this time, since the song already had a truck...." -- Harry Chapin 🎼”And as the brakes went down without a sound he said CHRIST! “ “It was funny how he had named the only man who could save him now.”🎶 🎼Forty thousand pounds.....of mashed bananas!🎶 Cancer and mattingly 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 25, 2022 Report Share Posted February 25, 2022 I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I'm better than you, but I feel bad about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted February 25, 2022 Report Share Posted February 25, 2022 I know a Russian who has a perpetual cold. His name is Ivan, Ivan Orfol-koff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 26, 2022 Report Share Posted February 26, 2022 "Thank you for calling the dwarf planet hotline. Haumea help you?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 28, 2022 Report Share Posted February 28, 2022 Asking a taxi driver how much it would cost to go somewhere is, in my opinion, a fare question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 28, 2022 Report Share Posted February 28, 2022 BREAKING: Russia's whole economy Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 28, 2022 Report Share Posted February 28, 2022 What does 50 Cent call himself in Russia? 50,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Rubles Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 28, 2022 Report Share Posted February 28, 2022 In a nuclear war, they say the only thing to survive will be cockroaches. Which means most countries will still have functioning governments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 28, 2022 Report Share Posted February 28, 2022 What do the colors in the Ukrainian flag represent? Blue is for the sky. Yellow is for wheat. Red is for the allies who fight beside us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 28, 2022 Report Share Posted February 28, 2022 What is the difference between a dollar and a ruble ? A dollar. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 28, 2022 Report Share Posted February 28, 2022 I told the man: “It’s not how many times you fall down, but how many times you get back up that matters.” He said: “That’s not how DUI tests work, sir.” BoloOfEarth, Pariah and slikmar 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted February 28, 2022 Report Share Posted February 28, 2022 There are vampire stories in Europe and America but not below the Sahara. You know why ? They bless the rains down in Africa..... Thank you Cesaro wcw43921, Tjack and Ockham's Spoon 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.