Narf the Mouse Posted August 29, 2009 Report Share Posted August 29, 2009 Re: Jokes Now that's funny *Puts Narf on the 'list'* I'm on a list! Is it a guest list? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 29, 2009 Report Share Posted August 29, 2009 Re: Jokes Are you sure your in the right thread Baz? Yes, but the posts have an 'alternate reality' feel to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted August 29, 2009 Report Share Posted August 29, 2009 Re: Jokes Yes' date=' but the posts have an 'alternate reality' feel to them. [/quote'] Arr! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted August 29, 2009 Report Share Posted August 29, 2009 Re: Jokes Yes' date=' but the posts have an 'alternate reality' feel to them. [/quote'] Somebody said 'alternate reality'? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clonus Posted August 29, 2009 Report Share Posted August 29, 2009 Re: Jokes I'm on a list! Is it a guest list? It's a menu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 Re: Jokes "How To Serve 40 Humans" "It's a CooookBooook!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 Re: Jokes A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond. "What's your name?" asked the chicken. "Bond, James Bond. What's your?" "Ken, Chick Ken." I must be in the wrong place; I thought this was the Jokes thread. you don't find it funny? Come on now, let's not have everyone getting into a fowl mood over this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 Re: Jokes Come on now' date=' let's not have everyone getting into a fowl mood over this.[/quote'] Hey, peck on someone your own size! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilDrPuma Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 Re: Jokes All this over a poultry joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 Re: Jokes Don't egg them on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 Re: Jokes These are the yolks, folks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 Re: Jokes Come on now' date=' let's not have everyone getting into a fowl mood over this.[/quote'] All this over a poultry joke. Don't egg them on. These are the yolks' date=' folks! [/quote'] Oh, yeah? Well all of you can go flock yourselves! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 Re: Jokes And then the fight started. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Mackinder Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 Re: Jokes I think some people are being real turkeys about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilDrPuma Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 Re: Jokes Don't worry--eventually the cluck will run out on this thread drift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 Re: Jokes Farmer Bob walked into the bar, shaking his head and looking forlorn. He sat down at the bar and ordered a whiskey. "What's wrong, Bob?" asked Joe the bartender. "Some things, you just can't explain," Bob muttered. "Well, try anyway," suggested Joe. "I was in the barn milkin' Bessie, and that damn cow can be ornery as all git-out. And halfway through the milkin', Bessie kicked over the milk pail. So I grabbed a length of rope and tied her left rear hoof to the wooden post." Bob finished off his whiskey, and pushed the glass forward for a refill. "Some things, you just can't explain." "So the cow's stupid," said Joe as he filled the glass. "Big deal, no use crying over spilt milk." Bob scowled at Joe's poor joke, then continued. "So I go back to milkin' her, and wouldn't you know, the damn cow kicks over the milk pail with her other hoof. So I grabbed another length of rope and tied that leg to the other post." He took a long drink. "Some things, you just can't explain." "Well, seems to me you took care of the problem," said Joe. Bob shook his head. "I go back to milkin' Bessie, and I don't know how the heck she did it, but she squatted down and knocked over the pail with her damn tail! But I couldn't find any more rope, so I whipped off my belt and tied that tail up to the rafter." "And then two things happened, round 'bout the same time. First, my pants fell down to my ankles. And then, my wife walked into the barn." He downed the last of the whiskey. "Some things, you just can't explain." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted September 1, 2009 Report Share Posted September 1, 2009 Re: Jokes Whoever jumps off a bridge in Paris is in Seine. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted September 1, 2009 Report Share Posted September 1, 2009 Re: Jokes Why do people put breadcrumbs in their shoes? To feed their pigeon toes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted September 1, 2009 Report Share Posted September 1, 2009 Re: Jokes Don't worry--eventually the cluck will run out on this thread drift. Are you trying to duck out and not pay the bill? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 1, 2009 Report Share Posted September 1, 2009 Re: Jokes This thread isn't all it's quacked up to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted September 1, 2009 Report Share Posted September 1, 2009 Re: Jokes Oh, I think this thread is quite 'quacked'. It is, indeed, 'for the birds'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basil Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Re: Jokes In the end, someone will have to pay the bill. The Mallard, Masked Crimefighter and Master of the Mystic Arts of Uzbekistan, wonders if he's being slighted by Basil, but the Bacandforthtrian distracts him by discussing the mystic power of reversible dates such as 9/01/09. The Mallard and the Bacandforthtrian are products of Basil's Twisted Imagination, Ink. And we at BTI are grateful for the Bacandforthtrian's quick thinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 Re: Jokes Why Men Are Not Allowed to Write Advice Columns... Dear John I hope you can help me.. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car started stalling and then it broke down about a mile down the road and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour's daughter! I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbour's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help? Sincerely, Kate Dear Kate: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. I hope this helps, Regards John Hermit 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSgt Baloo Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 Re: Jokes Kitchen Tips for Bachelors*: The absorbent pad in the bottom of the meat package is not reusable. Throw it away. Never, EVER fry chicken in your underwear. It doesn't matter how much that cut of meat cost you. If you left it on the counter overnight, throw it away. If you can't identify an object you just removed from the refrigerator or freezer because it's covered in green fuzz, it doesn't matter what it used to be. Pitch it. Never fry anything marinated in fat-free dressing. It welds whatever was marinated in it to the pan. * I learned these things through personal experience. #2 is especially important! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 Re: Jokes Kitchen Tips for Bachelors*:The absorbent pad in the bottom of the meat package is not reusable. Throw it away. Never, EVER fry chicken in your underwear. It doesn't matter how much that cut of meat cost you. If you left it on the counter overnight, throw it away. If you can't identify an object you just removed from the refrigerator or freezer because it's covered in green fuzz, it doesn't matter what it used to be. Pitch it. Never fry anything marinated in fat-free dressing. It welds whatever was marinated in it to the pan. * I learned these things through personal experience. #2 is especially important! I want to know what the chicken was doing in your underwear in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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