Ockham's Spoon Posted March 8, 2022 Report Share Posted March 8, 2022 You can be anything you want on the Internet. It is strange to me that so many people choose to be stupid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 8, 2022 Report Share Posted March 8, 2022 Have you met them? Yes? Now you know why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted March 8, 2022 Report Share Posted March 8, 2022 I bought 75% of a vampire hunting business. I'm a major stakeholder. mattingly and wcw43921 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted March 8, 2022 Report Share Posted March 8, 2022 A Blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He then takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then we'll put all these Corn Flakes back in the box." BoloOfEarth, death tribble and tkdguy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted March 8, 2022 Report Share Posted March 8, 2022 To all the people out there suffering from paranoia just remember: you're not alone.... death tribble and Pariah 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted March 8, 2022 Report Share Posted March 8, 2022 The Russian Navy has announced that it's commissioning glass-bottom warships ...so they can keep an eye on the Russian Air Force. death tribble 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted March 8, 2022 Report Share Posted March 8, 2022 A man is standing on the Red Square in Moscow with a banner: "Death to the bloody madman". Promptly, the police appears. "What, are you against our glorious leader Vladimir Putin?". And so the police beats him up. "Wait, stop! I was protesting against Zelenskyy - the bloody madman!" - the man shouts as he is being dragged into the police car. "Shut up, you. We all know who the bloody madman is here". death tribble 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted March 9, 2022 Report Share Posted March 9, 2022 The doctor told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why. He said, "because I'm trying to give you an exam." Ockham's Spoon and Starlord 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted March 9, 2022 Report Share Posted March 9, 2022 You had matters well in hand. wcw43921 and Starlord 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted March 9, 2022 Report Share Posted March 9, 2022 4 hours ago, archer said: A Blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He then takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then we'll put all these Corn Flakes back in the box." Heh. At a prior job, I had two coworkers - we'll call them Lisa and Brenda. They used to be best friends, but had a falling out. It should be noted that Lisa had a drinking problem and Brenda was a bit of a ditz. So one time I start telling a version of this joke to a different coworker, but with Brenda calling Lisa for help with the jigsaw puzzle. I told this within earshot of Lisa, just loud enough for her to overhear it. From the look on her face, she spent most of the time I was telling the joke apparently trying *desperately* to remember this happening. It wasn't until I got to the end that she realized it was a joke. I'm a bad person. Tjack and Pariah 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted March 9, 2022 Report Share Posted March 9, 2022 Yesterday I ate a clock. It was time consuming. Especially when I went back for seconds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 10, 2022 Report Share Posted March 10, 2022 Did you have it with Minute Rice? Starlord 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted March 10, 2022 Report Share Posted March 10, 2022 box: meow Schrödinger: ignore that Starlord 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted March 12, 2022 Report Share Posted March 12, 2022 My wife got excited because of a delivery she received. She got a new heavy-gauge wok that she had her eye on for a while. I asked her if she remembered to get the special footwear for it. She looked puzzled for a moment. Then she sighed and said, “Okay, lay it on me. Tell me your dad joke.” I said, “I don’t know what you mean by that, but it is my understanding that they have boots that are made for wokking.” Tjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 12, 2022 Report Share Posted March 12, 2022 I trust you also instructed her to listen to Run-DMC w/Aerosmith while using it? Tjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted March 12, 2022 Report Share Posted March 12, 2022 After their ship went down, two guys find themselves stuck in a life raft. In the small box of supplies they find a pack of cigarettes, but no matches. "Well, what good are these if we don't have any way to light them?" the first guy says. "Give them to me, I have an idea." the second guy says. He opens the pack, pulls out a cigarette, and throws it out of the raft into the water. "What the heck was that supposed to accomplish?" the first guy asks. The second guy responds, "Well, now our life raft is a cigarette lighter." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted March 12, 2022 Report Share Posted March 12, 2022 Fun fact: "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. At least, I'm pretty sure that's correct. Starlord, Ockham's Spoon, tkdguy and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlord Posted March 14, 2022 Report Share Posted March 14, 2022 Police have confirmed that the man who died falling off the roof of the bar last night was not the bouncer. archer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted March 14, 2022 Report Share Posted March 14, 2022 My maths teacher called me average. How mean! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted March 14, 2022 Report Share Posted March 14, 2022 I before E except after C has been disproven by science. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 14, 2022 Report Share Posted March 14, 2022 1 hour ago, Logan.1179 said: My maths teacher called me average. How mean! Yo Mama so mean, she got no standard deviation! Ockham's Spoon and BoloOfEarth 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 14, 2022 Report Share Posted March 14, 2022 Hey, that’s not nice, her name is Eileen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted March 15, 2022 Report Share Posted March 15, 2022 4 hours ago, Pariah said: Yo Mama so mean, she got no standard deviation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 15, 2022 Report Share Posted March 15, 2022 6 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: My maths teacher called me average. How mean! She is so skewed. I assume you kurtosis her under your breath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wcw43921 Posted March 15, 2022 Report Share Posted March 15, 2022 Tjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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