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15 minutes ago, archer said:

I have a rival, but I can only fight him when we meet up under curved architectural structures.

 

He's my arch enemy.

 

I thought you used that term for the guy who smashed your feet.

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A man in Phoenix called his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and said, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is e

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice   My teacher accused me of plagiarism. His words, not mine.   What do you get when you cross the Atlantic wit

Laws of physics vs the law

 

Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were.

 

The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the trunk. He comes back to the front and asks them why they have a dead cat in the trunk and Schrodinger responds, "because you opened the trunk you fool!!".

 

The cop, now visibly irritated promptly moves to arrest all three. Ohm, resisted.

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You find a magic lamp, and a genie comes out of it.

 

Genie: Hello, I am a genie. I will grant you 1 wish, what is your wish?

 

You: I wish I didn’t exist

 

Genie: Your wsh has been granted.

 

You: Nothng happened?

 

Gene: Take a moment to consder what you sad there. Wll be on my way now, bye.

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A Russian, a Texan, and a New Yorker walk into a restaurant in France.

 

The hostess says “Excuse me, due to a Mad Cow Disease there is a shortage of steak so we currently don’t have any.”

 

The Texan says “What’s a shortage?”

 

The Russian says “What’s a steak?"

 

The New Yorker says “What’s 'excuse me'?”

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A young man is having a hard time selling his goods on the street... "Coats for $50, watches for $25" he shouts whenever someone walks by, but even the few people who stop don't purchase.

Eventually an old Neapolitan man approaches and tells him he's doing it all wrong. "Step back and watch how we do it in Napoli."

The young man stands aside and watches as the old man moves around the watches and coats. " Coats for $250, watches for $500" the old man shouts to gather a crowd.

"Here, try on this coat and tell me it isn't the warmest coat you've ever worn" the old man says forcing the nearest customer into a coat.

The customer humors the old man, then asks "what do these cost again?" "I'll give you the coat fot $200, but $500 is lowest I can go on the watches."

"Ok I'll take the coat."

After watching him sell 5 coats this way, the young man pulls the old Neapolitan aside, flabbergasted.

"I never would have thought I could charge so much more for these crappy coats, just by forcing them on the customers... So how do I sell the watches?"

The old Neapolitan shakes his head and tells him "you don't sell the watches. You put a watch in the pocket of each coat, then jack up the price. This way you end up robbing everyone who thinks they're stealing from you."

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On 1/21/2021 at 6:24 PM, archer said:

A Russian, a Texan, and a New Yorker walk into a restaurant in France.

 

The hostess says “Excuse me, due to a Mad Cow Disease there is a shortage of steak so we currently don’t have any.”

 

The Texan says “What’s a shortage?”

 

The Russian says “What’s a steak?"

 

The New Yorker says “What’s 'excuse me'?”

 

There was a version of this I heard about 40 years ago (so this is c. 1980):

 

Four people, an American, an Israeli, a Pole, and a Russian are seated on a park bench when a newsman comes to the group and says, "I'm conducting a public opinion survey about shortages of meat in your country."

The Russian asks, "What's public opinion?"

The American asks, "What's a shortage?"

The Pole asks, "What's meat?"

The Israeli asks, "What's 'excuse me'?"

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Two eastern Europeans vacation in the United States.  They look scruffy and rough around the edges, so the bellhop warily asks what he can do for them.  "Me and the Russian would like two rooms please."  The bellhop snidely replies, "It's not 'me an the Russian', use proper grammar."  The customer winces and says, "But every time I say Fukov and I, people attack me."

 

 

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4 hours ago, Pariah said:

A: How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Q: None. Although they make a lot of noise, ultimately conspiracy theorists don't change anything.

 


“There are two types of people in this world. People who think the government is looking out for their best interest, and people who think. “ ~ Nathan Fraser

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