death tribble Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 If your steel or iron implements go down with a virus are they suffering from metal lurgy ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 What kind of pizza does Good King Wenceslas prefer? Deep pan, crisp and even. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Q: What does this week's weather have in common with the University of Alabama football team? A: In both cases, the forecast is near zero degrees. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Q: What does this week's weather have in common with the University of Alabama football team? A: In both cases, the forecast is near zero degrees. That's really cold! Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 That's really cold! I can't argue with that. Well played. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom, wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?' To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours." Rails, wcw43921 and Hermit 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 It was so cold outside today, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets. Hermit and tkdguy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 11, 2017 Report Share Posted January 11, 2017 I called Comcast today and told them to switch us over to the Meryl Streep package--we only want channels that show football and mixed martial arts. sinanju 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 14, 2017 Report Share Posted January 14, 2017 From a friend of mine: This restaurant has a meatloaf special. I would give it a 2 out of 3 stars. But, when it comes to meatloaf, two out of three ain't bad. FrankL, Burrito Boy, Pariah and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 14, 2017 Report Share Posted January 14, 2017 From a friend of mine: This restaurant has a meatloaf special. I would give it a 2 out of 3 stars. But, when it comes to meatloaf, two out of three ain't bad. I'm stealing this for the Book of Face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDarkness Posted January 19, 2017 Report Share Posted January 19, 2017 What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eyed dear. What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes? Still no-eyed dear. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 19, 2017 Report Share Posted January 19, 2017 What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 19, 2017 Report Share Posted January 19, 2017 From a student just back from a physics meeting: A photon checks into a hotel. The clerk asks if he needs help with luggage. Photon replies, "I don't have any, I'm traveling light." Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted January 20, 2017 Report Share Posted January 20, 2017 From a student just back from a physics meeting: A photon checks into a hotel. The clerk asks if he needs help with luggage. Photon replies, "I don't have any, I'm traveling light." The photon goes to the hotel bar and has a couple drinks. When he asks to pay his tab the bartender says "For you, no charge." Lucius Alexander The photon was then devoured by a palindromedary. The palindromedary is eating light. Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 20, 2017 Report Share Posted January 20, 2017 When a noted cardiologist died, the hospital threw him a lavish funeral. Behind the casket at the funeral was a huge heart covered in roses. When the ceremony was over, the heart opened right down the middle. The casket rolled inside, and the heart closed, sealing the doctor inside. When this happened, one of the mourners broke out in hysterical, uncontrolled laughter. He laughed out loud for several minutes while the other people at the funeral watched uncomfortably. After a while, he regained his composure enough to speak. "I'm sorry," he explained, "but I was just thinking ahead to my own funeral. I'm a gynecologist." That's when the proctologist fainted. Hermit, aylwin13, Rails and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 20, 2017 Report Share Posted January 20, 2017 Steak Puns are a Medium where anything Well Done is Rare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 21, 2017 Report Share Posted January 21, 2017 Him: I'll bet you $500 you can't get that box of sirloins off the top shelf without dropping them. Me: No bet. The steaks are too high. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 21, 2017 Report Share Posted January 21, 2017 Stupid duplicate post! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slikmar Posted January 21, 2017 Report Share Posted January 21, 2017 Stupid duplicate post! I don't get it? aylwin13 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 21, 2017 Report Share Posted January 21, 2017 I don't get it? It's not for everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aylwin13 Posted January 21, 2017 Report Share Posted January 21, 2017 Stupid duplicate post! Best joke in the thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 22, 2017 Report Share Posted January 22, 2017 I don't get it? That's what he said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 23, 2017 Report Share Posted January 23, 2017 At video store Me: I'd like to rent Batman Forever. Store Clerk: You have to bring it back. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 23, 2017 Report Share Posted January 23, 2017 What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt. ( Gillain Anderson's favourite joke, courtesy of a recent magazine interview.) wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 23, 2017 Report Share Posted January 23, 2017 At video store Me: I'd like to rent Batman Forever. Store Clerk: You have to bring it back. My favorite review of Batman Forever: "Nope. Just seemed that way." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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