The cranky thread

[Hermit]

Sorry, Pariah

[Pariah]

My brother fell down a flight of stairs and suffered a traumatic brain injury 15 years ago or so. Since then he's been unable to hold a job, so he's been living on disability in a rent-controlled apartment two hours away from my parents.

 

I got a call from my Dad about an hour and a half ago. My brother had apparently been found unresponsive in his apartment this morning and taken to the hospital. He's in the ICU under sedation and on a ventilator. They think he had a seizure. That's all anyone knows so far. Dad's going down tonight or tomorrow to get a closer look at the situation.

 

With the last week of the school year coming up next week, I might as well be on the Moon.

[Pariah]

There's a little more information now. My brother was in convulsions when they admitted him to the hospital. They took him into surgery, opened a palm-sized flap in his skull, and removed a blood clot. Apparently he fell at some point; they don't know if the fall led to the blood clot, or if he had a stroke and that's what caused him to fall. In any case, they haven't closed up the flap yet because they're concerned about swelling.

 

It's going to take three or four days before anyone has any idea how it's going to be. He may pull through, or he may not. He may survive but be confined to a full-time care facility. There's a DNR order in place if it comes to that.

 

Dad says there's nothing anyone can do at the moment, so he's advised us not to come out at this time. All any of us can do with it now is wait.

 

In retrospect, he probably shouldn't have survived that fall all those years ago. When we got the call back then, we were told to get there ASAP so we could say goodbye. In time, he surprised everyone and pulled through. But at the same time, he's never been the same since the accident. He was always kind of a smart-ass, a characteristic he shares with his two brothers, but he was a jovial, good-natured smart-ass. Since the accident, though, he's been angry and bitter pretty much all the time. He doesn't have the capacity that he used to have, but part of his injury is that he can't process the fact that he doesn't have the capacity that he used to have. I can't imagine how frustrating these last few years have been for him.

 

So there's a part of me that feels like we are probably going to lose him in the next few days. But there's another part of me that feels like we lost him years ago.

 

Either way, it sucks.

[Hermit]

13 hours ago, Pariah said:

 

Either way, it sucks.

 

Damn. You can say that again

[Cancer]

It was on the drive today up to where the father-in-law died that I realized that getting old isn't what sucks.  What sucks is that everything and everyone around you gets old too, and they leave the world without your permission.

[tkdguy]

My deepest condolences, Pariah.

[Lord Liaden]

Pariah, I don't know if this will be of any comfort to you, but in the hope that it might, I want to share with you a story with a lot of parallels to yours.

 

My mother for most of her life was a vital, passionate woman, very much a mother to everyone, as well as the world's greatest living authority on everything (at least that's what she thought).    After my father's long illness and death from cancer, my mother experienced major mental and emotional problems. She was treated for depression and psychosis, but was never the same person again. She changed even more with the onset of dementia, as well as more physical health problems like diabetes. Her short-term memory was shot, and she lost all her passion, motivation, and interest in life. In her last years she was like the ghost of my mother -- the person she was had already died.

 

I was her primary caregiver, but that had turned into a full-time 24-hour job that was draining me physically and emotionally. My brother and I had started arranging for her to enter a care home, but when she ended up in hospital after fracturing her hip, she forgot how to call for help to go to the bathroom, tried to climb out of bed, fell and hit her head. She suffered a bleed in her brain which was inoperable, which quickly robbed her of consciousness. But it took nearly five days before her body finally gave up.

 

For all that I would have done almost anything to spare my mother going through that, and as horribly helpless as I felt, when the end came it was a blessing. My mother had been surrounded constantly by everyone who loved her, her suffering came to an end, and we who were left no longer had to worry about her, and could work through the grief and let go of it. While I can't forget what happened to her, sometimes I dream about her, and in those dreams she's always her better self, which I'm grateful for.

 

I truly hope your brother recovers, but if he doesn't you may find some solace in knowing that everything in his life that caused him pain will be over, and that he knew you love him.

[Pariah]

My Dad just called to tell me he'd just heard from the hospital. My brother died earlier this morning. Sad news, but at least he's no longer suffering.

 

My favorite uncle-in-law died just a few days ago, and we mark one year since my Mom died day after tomorrow.

 

It's been a hell of a year.

[Hermit]

It never rains but it pours is not a comforting phase, but damn it seems to apply right now for you, Pariah.

[L. Marcus]

Damn ... I have no words, P.. 

[Logan D. Hurricanes]

I'm so sorry, man. I wish I could say more. 

[Cancer]

Sorry to have transmitted the compound disasters infection on to you, Pariah.

[tombrown803]

Sorry for your loss Pariah. Your in my prayers

[Lord Liaden]

It sounds like you have people in your life to comfort you, Pariah, and that's important. Those who pass on don't need us to look after or worry about them any more. The ones left behind are the ones who need taking care of.

[Pattern Ghost]

Condolences, Pariah.

[Pariah]

It turns out that there is a silver lining in yesterday's dark cloud. The Colorado Wyoming Organ Donor Alliance reached out to Dad to see of donation was an option. After getting the necessary permissions and legal stuff taken care of, it looks like they're going to be able to use my brother's heart valves, corneas, skin (for skin grafts), small bones (for facial reconstructions, etc.), vertebrae, and tendons and ligaments.

 

Even though he's gone now, my brother will help a lot of people to have a better life in the process.

He was a firefighter and EMT for a lot of years. I feel like he'd be happy knowing he was able to help people one last time.

 

If you're an organ donor, please let your family know your decision. And if you haven't thought about it before, please think about it. There's a lot of need.

[death tribble]

My sincere condolences Pariah

[Bazza]

I don’t usually read this thread. However condolences to a mate who lost his brother. I’m sure he’s keeping a eye on you. 

[tkdguy]

I bought a livestream of a performance of Don Giovanni. I just turned on the computer, ready to watch it today. Then I got an email saying the livestream was cancelled due to Covid-related staff shortages. There goes my weekend plan!

[tkdguy]

And I'm sunburned after doing yardwork yesterday. I look like a boiled lobster.

[Logan D. Hurricanes]

Trying to help my mother renew her driver's license online. I almost punched the computer because the website is so bad. Holy crap, does no one do a check of the system to see if it even works?? 

[Ternaugh]

58 minutes ago, Logan.1179 said:

Trying to help my mother renew her driver's license online. I almost punched the computer because the website is so bad. Holy crap, does no one do a check of the system to see if it even works?? 

 

"We'll test it in Prod."

[Pariah]

You expected a DMV website to be helpful...?

[tkdguy]

Unfortunately, all government-operated websites seem to have that problem. Logging into any of those sites, be they health care or jobs, is always a frustrating experience.

[Logan D. Hurricanes]

1 hour ago, Pariah said:

You expected a DMV website to be helpful...?

 

Of course not, but functional. Both links to [Forgot Login] and [Forgot Password] just went to the top of the same page. BOTH OF THEM! Totally broken. And that's just where we start...