archer Posted September 12, 2020 Report Share Posted September 12, 2020 I didn't tell anybody but I volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials for C-19. I received my first shot today and wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted September 12, 2020 Report Share Posted September 12, 2020 My ex-wife's grandfather died in a Nazi concentration camp. He fell out of a watchtower. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted September 12, 2020 Report Share Posted September 12, 2020 A guy goes into his basement to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says “This is your last wish so really make this one count.” The guys says “Well I’ve always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands.” The Genie says “That is asking for quite a lot and I’m not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you’d want?” The guy says "Well I’ve been married and divorced three times, and I just can’t understand what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says “Do you want a three lane highway or four ?” aylwin13 and Duke Bushido 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 13, 2020 Report Share Posted September 13, 2020 Q: What's big, white, and non-orientable? A: Möbius Dick. mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wcw43921 Posted September 13, 2020 Report Share Posted September 13, 2020 "YOU'RE a Mobius Dick!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 14, 2020 Report Share Posted September 14, 2020 That's fair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 14, 2020 Report Share Posted September 14, 2020 I follow a twitter account called Kids Write Jokes. It's full of surrealist masterpieces like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 17, 2020 Report Share Posted September 17, 2020 I prefer escalators but my wife prefers elevators. I think it’s because we were raised differently. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aylwin13 Posted September 17, 2020 Report Share Posted September 17, 2020 7 minutes ago, Logan.1179 said: I prefer escalators but my wife prefers elevators. I think it’s because we were raised differently. Quite the uplifting topic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 17, 2020 Report Share Posted September 17, 2020 Hey, whatever helps you get up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 17, 2020 Report Share Posted September 17, 2020 Though there's a lot of people who get let down by all those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aylwin13 Posted September 18, 2020 Report Share Posted September 18, 2020 What can we do to elevate this conversation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 18, 2020 Report Share Posted September 18, 2020 We all get high? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted September 18, 2020 Report Share Posted September 18, 2020 You mean we're not high already? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 18, 2020 Report Share Posted September 18, 2020 She is. Hermit 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlord Posted September 18, 2020 Report Share Posted September 18, 2020 No more 'high' jokes, guys. Please. Don't you think Enuff Z' Nuff? Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 18, 2020 Report Share Posted September 18, 2020 Starlord 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted September 20, 2020 Report Share Posted September 20, 2020 If you're feeling down, your pillow maybe broken Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted September 20, 2020 Report Share Posted September 20, 2020 Why haven’t aliens visited our solar system yet? They checked the reviews.. only 1 star Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted September 20, 2020 Report Share Posted September 20, 2020 My grandpa kept telling people that the Titanic was going to sink. They ignored him. Eventually, they needed to throw him out the cinema. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted September 20, 2020 Report Share Posted September 20, 2020 My friend just watched a documentary on Chernobyl. He actually grew up in Ukraine during the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand. mattingly and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted September 21, 2020 Report Share Posted September 21, 2020 On 9/12/2020 at 11:02 PM, archer said: I didn't tell anybody but I volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials for C-19. I received my first shot today and wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно Just checked with a Russian source: actually, you had the placebo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted September 21, 2020 Report Share Posted September 21, 2020 57 minutes ago, Bazza said: Just checked with a Russian source: actually, you had the placebo. Russian placebos tend to be radioactive Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted September 22, 2020 Report Share Posted September 22, 2020 I'd like to apologize to all my fellow Californians for the recent forest fires. Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them. Starlord 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted September 22, 2020 Report Share Posted September 22, 2020 Bill Gates is pulled over by a police officer one night after his car is seen swerving on the highway. The police officer asks, "Have you had anything to drink tonight, sir?" Bill says, "Absolutely not, officer." The cop says, "Can you please count backwards from 10 for me?" • Bill replies, "10, 8, 7, Vista, XP, ME, 2000, NT, 98, 95, 3, 2, 1." Christougher and Rails 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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